


What Josh Saw

by SecondSilk



Category: West Wing
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-03
Updated: 2007-08-03
Packaged: 2017-10-12 15:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/126162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecondSilk/pseuds/SecondSilk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>C.J receives a phone call from her father, and Toby is there to understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Josh Saw

The silence in the communications bullpen at the end of the press briefing was broken by a clear declaration.

"I am God!"

C.J walked down the hall triumphant, swinging her hips and twirling her hands above her head.

"Yes, boss." Carol sounded tired, but she was smiling.

Josh stuck his head out of his office, interrupting C.J's march of glory.

"God?"

"Yes," said C.J, "I am, after all, tall enough, and I just averted a major crisis." Josh seemed to think that this was a normal part of her job. "And I can hurt you," she added.

"Okay, then, O Lord," Josh said.

He pulled C.J into a hug and danced with her down the hallway, laughing, until showed up.

Leo did not look at all like he wanted to dance.

"Everyone back to work," he said.

Toby and Sam, who had turned up to join the party, stopped abruptly behind him. They shared a startled look. It was Thursday night, and they had been working for over a week on this. It was not like Leo to stop a spontaneous celebration.

C.J looked down at him

"Leo," she said, trying to put as much disappointed into her voice as she could.

"Yes, you were great, C.J," Leo said. "Now back to running the country people."

"But we just got here," Sam protested

He put an arm around to Toby to claim his support in the argument.

Toby glowered at Sam, and then turned the look on Leo. Leo threw his hands in the air and went back to his office. But the momentum had passed, and the reality of the other work they were supposed to be doing reasserted itself.

Sam and Toby both congratulated C.J, and agree with Josh when he pronounced her 'da man.' Then they returned to disappeared back into their offices, leaving C.J alone in empty corridor.

"You'd think they should bring me cake," she said.

Carol called out to her.

"Phone, C.J. Your father."

"Thanks, Carol," C.J said, as she walked passed into her office.

"Hi, dad," she said brightly into the phone.

"Claudia, you were very funny," her father said.

"Thanks, dad," C.J grinned again.

Tal sounded tired, but coherent. He congratulated her on doing a wonderful job and he started to ask questions about the deal that they had had to do.

C.J laughed, "I can't tell you that, dad."

"Why not?"

"Well, it's complicated. And the government really isn't supposed to tell anyone."

"Then how do you know?" he asked, as though they might lock her up for stealing government secrets.

"Well, I work for the government, dad, for the President. I helped make the deal."

"Yes, yes," he said distractedly.

C.J caught her breath. He sounded more like he was humouring her than like he already understood.

"So your President, what's his name?" her father asked.

"Bartlet, dad," she said, patiently.

"Don't know him," her father pronounced. "Is he a good man?"

'That's what I asked.' C.J blinked back tears.

She remembered that day vividly, that moment. She had been dripping went and more than a little pissed off at the world in general, but Toby had said yes and everything had begun to look better again. Her father had shared her excitement when she moved to the campaign.

"Yes," she said, as calmly as she could.

"Good," he said firmly, "Make him as proud of you as I am, Claudia."

"Thanks, dad," she said. She smiled, although her tears were falling now. President Bartlet was proud of her, and he could understand what she had done.

"I have to go now, your mother's calling me."

"Okay, dad. I'll talk to you later."

"Goodbye, Claudia."

"Bye, dad."

C.J put the phone down slowly and sat still. She tried to calm down, to stop crying, to look the Press Secretary. She school her features to studied interest, but the tears continued to fall. Not fast, but frustration, anger, fear, sadness, and the drop in adrenaline after the week she'd had, made it difficult to overcome the desire to weep. She was concentrating so hard she didn't notice Toby open the door.

He stood quietly watching her for a moment. He could she what she was feeling, more than just the tears. Carol had said that she was talking to her father, but Toby had not realised that it was quite that bad. He should have guessed; C.J had always played down things like that.

Toby closed the door slowly behind him. The soft click it made startled C.J, stopping the tears, but destroying the professional mask of her expression. She stood up, unsure where to move.

"I'm sorry," Toby offered. "I didn't realise it was so bad."

"It's not," C.J said, automatically. "It's just today, and he wanted…"

But she couldn't say it. She stopped and just stood there, fighting for her self control.

"It is bad, C.J. You can try to pretend otherwise, but it'll just hurt too much in the end. You know that."

C.J regained her poise to fight Toby. She walked slowly around her desk to lean against it and face him squarely.

"Toby, I'm fine. It's my business; he's my father. You have no right to tell me how I can or can't manage this stuff."

"You were crying," he reminded her. He had noticed that that her voice was missing the strength she could usually fake with ease.

C.J bit the inside of her lip to hold back fresh tears. It had scared her that her father was losing so much of himself. It scared her almost as much that Toby knew her well enough to see it.

"You're allowed to cry about it, C.J," Toby told her with all his quiet confidence.

C.J shook her head and looked away. Her hands were holding tightly to the edge of her desk. Toby crossed the three feet between them and she looked back at him. He looked at her. He took both her hands off the edge of her desk and wrapped them in his own.

C.J wanted to struggle, but Toby was not going to let her deny that this was happening. He pulled her into a hug.

"He's not gone," he said, "Go and see him. It'll be easier then."

She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I've got too much to do, Toby," she murmured into his neck.

She gave in for a moment, though, breathing in his comfort and feeling safe in his arms.

"I could never do this without you," she said quietly.

"You wouldn't be here without me," he reminded her.

She managed a smile. "Does that mean I can blame you?"

"No, but you can rely on me for help."

She paused at the determination in his voice. "Okay," she promised.

"Good." He smiled at her.

C.J hugged him tightly, then disentangled herself and dropped onto her couch. She stretched her legs out, crossing her ankles and resting her hands in her lap. She leant her head against the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling, not willing to fall asleep.

Toby came and sat next to her, settling himself in the corner, leaning half against the couch arm. They weren't touching each other. But C.J was still more comforted by Toby's presence than she was annoyed that he knew she needed it. He was glad that he could help and repay her in some way for the support she had given him when his mother had been ill.

C.J gave in and closed her eyes. It had been a tough week, carefully balancing congressmen and manipulating budgets. Her father had been proud of her, too, even though he didn't know what it was for. Josiah Bartlet was a good man. He was proud of her too, and would thank her in the morning. He was as proud as her father, and he knew everything it meant. But the President was sick, too, and one day he might not know what his daughters had done and he would not be able to ask what it was.

After all they'd achieved that week.

"It's not fair, Toby," she said, calm with anger.

"I know," he said, watching her carefully. "It never is."

"My father, he never got to be all he could. And one day the President. He'll loose so much. Why them? why now?"

"Because if it were anyone else it wouldn't matter, C.J. That's why it's them, that's why it's now. And that's why we'll get through it."

C.J's anger left her and she looked so lost that Toby couldn't bear it. He held a hand out to her and she moved closer to him. He pulled her into a rough hug, as much for his comfort as hers. C.J curled her legs up and dropped her head against his chest. She could hear his heart beat as she had her father's and he could smell her hair and he had his mother's. Their breathing quieted, and curled up together they fell asleep.

It was Josh who opened C.J's office door about half an hour later to see how she was. Toby opened his eyes, recognised Josh and shook his head. Josh nodded once and quietly shut the door again.

Toby rubbed C.J's arm to wake her. She murmured something soft and curled up closer to him.

"C.J. C.J, you've got to get up now. C.J, we have a country to run."

"Huh… Toby?"

"Yeah?"

"I did good, huh?"

"Yeah," he said gently, "But you have to get up now."

She realised where she was and immediately sat up and ran her fingers through her hair. Then she stood up and shook herself a bit to wake up properly.

"Sorry," she said.

"No problem," he insisted, "I owed you one."

She smiled her thanks.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Better." She nodded, certain that it was true. She had slept away the need for tears and felt ready again for what ever this job had to throw at her.

Toby stood up and smoothed his clothes. He held out a hand for her to help him off the couch. She raised an eyebrow at him, amused, but pulled him to his feet.

"Josh poked his head in a few minutes ago," Toby said.

"What'd he say?"

"Nothing. I honestly think he understood."

C.J looked sceptical, but Toby could only shrug.

"Yeah," he said. "If he doesn't get it—"

"I'll get Donna to sort him out."

"That'd be great."

Toby smiled. Josh was a lot easier to deal with now that one didn't have to do it personally.

"Call me if you need me."

"Thanks," C.J said, as he opened the door to leave. "For everything."

Toby paused and looked back at her. "What are friends for?" Then he was gone, back to work.

C.J returned to her chair and the folders briefing notes that needed sorting. She found the right folder and opened it to read before Josh appeared at her door.

"Hey C.J, how're you doing?" he asked cheerfully.

He was, in fact, babbling, and a babbling Josh could be a scary thing.

"I'm very well, thank you, Joshua," C.J replied. She tried to keep her voice as measured as possible, but she could not help smiling.

Josh's grin widened.

"Claudia Jean," he said, teasing, "I poked my head in earlier and I couldn't help noticing—"

"Josh," C.J warned.

He raised his hands defensively.

"I know, I know, it was no more than what I saw."

"Toby said he thought you'd understood."

Josh seemed a little taken aback. That was a great estimation from Toby.

"You do love him though," Josh insisted.

He thought he'd better amend that when C.J's eyes narrowed.

"Like I love…" he started to say Donna, but somehow the thought of her stayed his tongue. "Sam."

C.J cocked her head to one side studying him. Josh tried to look as sincere as possible. He didn't have a lot of practice at it, but C.J nodded, satisfied.

"I thought so," Josh added smugly. C.J threw a pen at him and he dodged it.

"I mean, I always thought there might be something…"

Another pen sailed past his head. C.J grinned as he ducked.

"But now I don't think so."

An eraser this time.

"I mean, not that I'm against any such idea, really, it's just that…"

C.J picked up her fist sized paperweight and weighed it carefully in her hand.

"It's really none of my business," Josh finished.

"That's right," said C.J, "now, get out of my office."

"Your will, O mighty God." Josh bowed before he turned and walked out the door. A pen hit him in the back of the head as he left.


End file.
